Pretend-Picture it and Write

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I can feel the water around my shoulders. Cocooning me. Protecting me. Hiding me. Shielding me. My toes on my leg balances on the bed of sand below me. I’ve become real good at balancing. On the floor. On the stairs. On life. Standing like this with all eternity in front of me draws me into a pensive mood. I yank myself out of it. I don’t want it. I don’t want to think about what happened.

Instead, I pretend. Pretend that this was a day in my life a year ago. Pretend I’m exhausted from a swim. Pretend I’m treading the water with both of my legs instead of barely standing on one. The water covers me and makes it easier to pretend. Soon, I am sucked into my daydream. After this swim, I’ll go home. Natalie will be there, smiling like she always does. She swipes my hair affectionately and hands me a towel. She won’t be halfway across the country, in another man’s bed. Then I’ll go out for lunch with her, at a little expensive cafe. I can pay the bills. I’ve got money in my wallet. Funds saved in my bank account. Money that’s not going to be used for therapy and doctor examinations. Later, we go back home together. We can walk back. Hold hands. Play with the dogs. It is the perfect life. This was my perfect life.

Stop. You’ve got to stop this, Jacob, I scold. This isn’t your life anymore. Pretending like this is just hurting yourself more. You’ve got to stop. Suddenly, a tide gently brushes past me. It’s a small wave, relaxing and tranquil. But even that small a wave makes me lose my balance and fall over. My head goes under.  I don’t know if I want it to come up again.

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About everburningcinders

So so...where to start? Well, for starters, I can say that I'm one of those kinds of people that don't care about their hair, or desperately need another pair of shoes. In fact, if you see me, you wouldn't notice me at all. I'm just the shadow, sticking to the walls, head buried in a book or eyes glazed over in a daydream. I want to be listened to and I want to be appreciated. My moral in life: Life is life. Believe in it and suck it up. I look forward to meetin' ya all!
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10 Responses to Pretend-Picture it and Write

  1. Ermilia says:

    Wow. So powerful. I adored this part – ‘I’ve become real good at balancing. On the floor. On the stairs. On life.’ I could feel the man’s desperation. I also love how you wove dreams and reality so subtley such as… ‘Funds saved in my bank account. Money that’s not going to be used for therapy and doctor examinations.’ A great piece of fiction! Thanks for contributing this week at Picture it & write and sharing this fantastic work with us!

    – Ermisenda

    • Thankyou! I read a book previously based on a person, who wasn’t disabled, but was physically deformed. But even that probed me to look deeper at the picture and wonder, ‘What really is below all of that water?’ Again, thanks for reading and I look forward to the future posts 😀

  2. joetwo says:

    An excellent piece! So much there! Well done.

  3. Oh, too sad…! A wonderfully written piece..

  4. neenslewy says:

    A great read, you had me hooked. Loved this description;
    I’ve become real good at balancing. On the floor. On the stairs. On life.

  5. Anne Schilde says:

    You can only go forward. I’m so grateful I don’t have to face what Jacob or Natalie does.

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